You do that both because they’re not as necessary - a ten year old can go some distance alone from home safely, and come back a fifteen year old can go to the mall alone - and because giving them room to make more decisions helps develop their ability to do so. It’s important as the child ages, though, to remove those boundaries. Those boundaries tell their children what is okay or not okay, for various reasons, to keep them safe and to give them the best chance to succeed in life. It is a parent’s job to set boundaries for their children. If I were answering this question to your mother, who asked what she should do with her son who wears his hair messy, I would say: Both may give you valuable life skills 'grin and bear it' can make you tolerant and good with other people, 'fighting your corner' could give you the skills and independence of a leader. Or you can fight back, if you feel it is too much. So what can you do? Perhaps the easiest is what you seem to suggest: shrug your shoulders for now and do what you have to do to avoid the arguments. So why does your mum insist on this? My guess is that it is about fitting in: many people are anxious about standing out in society and giving the wrong impression - and on the other side of this, there are the immature leader-types, who have a desire to dominate, but lack the broad perspective, and dare one say it: wisdom, that comes with experience, so they focus on petty issues like how you look or what they call 'good manners'. They come in weird and wonderful varieties - what makes them successful is clearly not the hair. Teaching children to respect boundaries is only a minor part of what you need in adult life it is important, but like you, I can't see that you hair-style matters much - just look at succesful people around the world. I'm a grandparent BTW, so I've perhaps learned a broader perspective, now that my own children have grown up, largely ignoring my well-intentioned advice. Good parents strive to equip their children with good life-skills that help them make the good choices, which will make them happy. I don't agree with Joe, when he says it is the job of parents to set boundaries it is too narrow. Is it actually normal/common for people to not accept peoples style like this? And how do I convince my mom that just because someone has different preferences as you, doesn't mean that they are abnormal. But my style is totally normal, it's just different from what she likes. If I have an extreme uncommon style, if my hair is too long to the point that it covers my whole face, if my hair causes severe disadvantages, I would totally understand if my mom hates it. I'm just really really puzzled on why some people can't accept other's preferences. I'm not complaining about this all, I will be completely fine to follow the style that my mom likes and how she wants me to dress. Sometimes she gets a bit furious (forcefully combs my hair), not allowing me to eat until I tidy my hair, randomly yell at me due to getting irritated by my hair. I'm never the type of sensitive person who gets offended easily by opinions, I will be totally fine if someone simply dislikes my pants, I will simply ignore that opinion and be comfortable about myself.īut no, I'm frequently asked to comb my hair. I really wish my mom would just simply express her opinions, these phrases below wouldn't hurt me at all She hates uncombed hair, she thinks it's slobby, ratty, unstylish, annoying, ugly, etc. Unfortunately she always complains and gets annoyed whenever I dress a messy hairstyle. I have no problem whatsoever with that hairstyle, but personally, I prefer a more messy and wavy fringe hair. Lets say my mom likes a tidily combed formal hair like this. I'm just a mid teenager who is trying to find out if the case of my mom disliking and controlling my preferences is common.
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